if u are in the wrong state of mind to enjoy sometyhing then do not force it with drugs
this is dangerous and can lead to psychosis for a start.
it is also bypassing underlying issues
you do not need an emotional response to enjoy something
you do not need an outward emotional response when you enjoy something
you do not need weed for peace
you do not need alcohol to enjoy something. enjoy as it is.
you are just desperate for that emotion
"i need to feel!" you scream
why can you not be without feeling
"fun". "engagement". yes its engaging experience. but you've completed that experience now that
you understand it and the entirety of what it can give to you.
you do not need emotional input-output to feel engaged.
lets investigate this next.
dxm why is it dangerous? you think you have done something that you haven't. you lose your sense
of time; it feels like morning should i go out and see? you lose your grip on reality completely,
sliding away.... you think you haven't done something but you have.. or you're not
sure.......like a dream. you are isolated, without external input you can imagine that anything
can be real. anything you can imagine.
indulgence! don't let it get the better of you.
my only fear is that this is the wrong path. are you prepared to sacrifice everything?
they say be safe... they say weed is good because it does 1 good thing and doesn't do all those
bad things, or at least, it doesn't if you're careful. if you're prone to psychosis then you just
gotta be careful. know your limits. "surround yourself with positive energy." point the right
i done dxm tonight because i wanted to go home, sit down and feel euphoric while i listen to
music, i wanted to invoke an emotion. unfortunately, at least for me, drugs are too dangerous.
they come with bad bits in them.
i need to be able to feel euphoric using my own internal system. there's too much pollution
right now my vision is very ...well unstable lets say, darting back and forth, bit dizzy etc,
hard to explain. oh no it's not: i move my head and see its swimming vision, everyone knows that.
this is all being written at approx 2.30-3am friday 14th november 2008
t0 was 20:57:28
so its t+ 6 now. only drank 300ml. throat feels tight. im in silence o/c. body feels above
average to touch.
am i writing this shit for the sake of writing? i did have a point earlier. oh yes. revelations.
lets hope it sticks when im sobre.
the most annoying thing right now is that constant heavy pressure on my head. now i've itentified
it maybe itll go away. nope? oh yeh im still typing. very dry mouth/throat, its ok i have a
bottle of water i refilled.
wondering what i should do in this state. shall i see how music sounds again? classical i think
im back to the exploration aren't i.
well it's not useful , until you can show me how i can make this experience useful in the future
to me, this will have to be the last time. it's too dangerous.
just told stimey (offline) this is "very heavy trip". its not really. its decent i think. the
physical factors are just causing me great disturbance. pressure in head/mouth/eyes/face etc.
boy if i could see the look on my face. 4 hours ago i was miserably sighing about how i probably
shouldnt have eaten so much and that i should have drunken the dxm quicker, and talking about how
i thought i had probably already peaked on 2 occaisions and those were shit peaks. woman is
fucking talking on classical radio now distracting me like anything, fucking adverts.
like i said i came here to get music XTC but that was very brief and very weak. i stared at an
outstanding winamp visualisation program for 80 minutes in sync with "dream/euthoric trance"
(labelled as "vocal trance" but luckily very few vocals in the period i was listening).
i did google to check how long the dxm would take to kick in after eating a lot. and i recognised
o/c that was my only meal since yesterday, that im sensitive to drugs etc etc. so not a surprise,
certainly not a shock.
should go back to putting it to some use. i think it in itself has been its own use. the
revelation is there, only how i view it later i don't know. and how far i extend it to aspects of
my life (well, alcohol and weed i guess).
looking at myself , seems like this guy just doesn't listen to those cliches like "drugs fuck you
up", "drugs/alcohol damage ur brain". has to go get his own little boat out and go confirm it for
himself, adventure, experience it just to see it clearly for himself.
this is fuckin dangerous ill tell you. but i guess its just a trait that can be applied to all
aspects of life...and controlled. drugs were significant. relationships, well i guess thats
another significant one. always looking at those with some forcast. i guess me exploring drugs is
comparable to your regular jo exploring relationships. u just gotta try it for the experience?
think i've said before that "curiosity" is an emotion(??) i really need to research about.
am i coming down yet, i think so, i would know if i wasn't, and not know if i was. how queer, but
that last sentence does barely make sense actually, you just gotta fit them in just at the right places
i go on to write a little more
if you are watching something and not enjoying it but can understand how you would enjoy it if
you were, say, on alcohol, then perhaps you can replicate that mentality somehow , invoke on
those emotions, that understanding, that memory, maybe at first by just pretending to yourself
that you are drunk. another way of looking at it is pretending you are somebody else , this
doesn't feel very honest though and i'm sure it'd have lots of problems.
i am now listening to sweet pleasant harpsicord and now clarinet/string music,, very pleasant, not in a euphoric sense but in a sense like i feel i am in an open space simply enjoying it, like in a field
i feel somewhat happy, smiling (smiling inside anyway, i probably look one brute of a man)
there is a sense of wellbeing, of peace. this music is perfect, slow, sweet, pleasant, pretty.
i said to page on msn "i feel like ballroom dancing" (ie that is the atmosphere i felt)
i feel like i am in a garden
i felt a great urge and finally feel happy at what i have achieved to sit here and enjoy
i found that the music is gavotte or just baroque in general
In reply to this post by perisie xx
i am now pretty much grounded. i spent a decent deal of time re-reading everything about dxm just now. i can relate to and understand everything about it so much better. 3rd plateau.... altered consciousness.... 3rd->4th plateau is intriguing because it surprisingly shares commongrounds with several philosophical and spiritual concepts (via different paths). i would be fascinated to experience for myself the so called 4th but doubt i will ever risk my fragile mind and body that far (extremely suceptable mind and extremely weak+unfit body).
In reply to this post by perisie xx
i think one of the most interesting things is that....
a) remember the first time 2-3 weeks ago when made that text file on weed and had those crazy thoughts of self awareness etc? well yes maybe it was a hbw flashback or maybe it occured independently (i think this is the case) due to current psychotic breakdown i was going thru.
what does this say?
it says that i was experiencing a similar state to what DXM P3 is supposed to induce, except it was thru my own mind with a bit of encouragement maybe from weed
b) i dealt with a huge huge emotional (girl) issue for me within just 1 "thinking session" the other night and i feel SO SO strong and different regarding it. you might describe it as adopting this powerfully emotionally stable/ or as some guy puts it "zen-like apathy" composure which has totally taken me by surprise and was a direct result of my thoughts of "enlightenment", my courage and endeavour.
HOWEVER this is ALSO linked to dxm as it is supposedly a common "hangover" effect of it (whether people realise they're doing it for a reason/logically or not). EXCEPT, remember, it was not a product of P3 DXM for me: again i resolved this by my own
what does this say?
DXM....links with buddhism....links with real ways of independent thinking....
that website owner said something like "if you're not compatible with dxm you can try searching for enlightenment without it....it's a lot harder but it can be done, and to a greater extent" (something like this)
So. My recommendations for DXM would be, plan for it like it's an LSD trip (music, good trip, etc.)--see everything on erowid you can find. Second, start ridiculously low, wait 1 week per plateau, try slightly more. I evolved my way up to an upper 2nd plateau. That's my sauce.
The weirder shit of 3rd/4th plateau is what people always chase after. See aliens. Shit that didn't happen. Out of body experiences. Actually see cool shit. Honestly fuck that. The value of DXM is the emotional/consciousness effect. Some people use it like cheap ecstasy. For me, it's a warm ride where I have infinite effort, appreciation for movement and loud sound (kind of like when you are drunk, but less sick and more sober--more clear--and longer). It's an adventure where I can go adventuring outside and talk to people and find new shit and not care, and have the strangest conversations with the nicest people that I never would have believed existed. They think I'm sober, or drunk.
You can't do that if you dose too high. And you can't enjoy it if you have leaped too far too fast. Maybe now it's too late, now you have spoiled this by going too far. Oh well.
And that one guy with his Buddhism/DXM theories, is interesting. I'm sure you've found his essays about dopamine and dinosaurs. Easy to find.
hrm i'm pretty good at perceiving and understanding things, noticing and latching on to a particular thing and exploring it
i will try a 1.5 bot dose (338mg) ASAP (perhaps today, but it's hard for me to get ahold of this stuff)
the "music image" sensation (ie feeling like i was in a pleasant open field or garden, enjoying my nobility to pleasant Baroque instrumentals) is something i would like to be able to reproduce.
the satisfaction here was self-contained/appreciated.
..unlike in higher dose where you might be tripping hard but at the same time wondering what the point of it all is - you might be experiencing altered state of consciousness but at a loss for how to "enjoy" this or more importantly put it to some use.
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